A Grave Heart

Hi Guys, I apologize for my lengthy absence!!! I have been tired with working and trying too hard to help people who really do not deserve it. Life is so funny sometimes (not funny Ha Ha) You try your best to be kind and loving to others and it comes back and bites you right in the fanny. How many of you are certain that the person you tell all your secrets, keep them only to him or herself? How can you be certain that someone you love, loves you back? How can you be certain?? The truth is, you cannot be certain. You just can't! There are so many people in this world who are just waiting for a chance for you to fail, to fall, to make a mistake so they can laugh the hardest and the loudest for no reason, except to make you feel bad.

I really do not understand human beings. Some of them are so constipated with negativity, that when something nice comes their way, the try to twist it around and make it into something awful. Others just feel the need to talk about you for no specific reason, except maybe, they were bored. People are so cruel sometimes with the things they do and say.

I try to be a nice person but it is bloody difficult when everybody thinks your niceness is due to something utterly twisted. It is so easy for me to become evil and just downright cruel but with my pea sized brain and my gullible demeanour, I think, 'Maybe my smile will help them today, maybe they'll change'

Today, with it being rather difficult to recognize friend from foe, I would think it so much easier if i were to exit this cruel world. In this life, i find it difficult to love because the people you love, maybe tempted to keep things from you, in the spirit of protection and lie to you, in the spirit of love.

Oh how i wish I were a kid again; running naked in the rain, not having a care in the world. O how I wish I were a kid again! (sigh) I remember telling this friend of mine that she was too easily frazzled by things people say and do, but really, it does hurt! When you find out, people can't stand the sight of you because of the way you walk, the way you dress and the way you respond to your friends and the people you love.

What an easy thing it would be, simply to minus self from this life. If it were possible, I would become and onlooker and not a participator of this life. After all, the only part of this life that really sticks with me is the hurt. To find out that you are stuck in the same place, with those same people who live life as if it were a game of monopoly. Their smiles burn me, their hugs cut me, their tongues stab me because they know in their hearts they hate me but they're going to speak to me nicely and whisper behind my back.

Please tell me you hate me, it won't hurt as much as your hypocrisy. Please tell me, you hate me. Don't lie through your teeth and waste I love yous. Please tell me you hate me. I'd feel better if I had only one friend because all the other people on earth were honest enough to tell me the truth of how they feel instead of having many friends who really don't care if i live or die. They are simply waiting for the opportunity for me to fail so they can laugh and gossip behind my back.

I am human, I do not talk about you so I do not think it is human nature for you to whisper about me. I dont whisper about you, why do you whisper about me? Is it that you have nothing of substance in your life? Is it that you lead a rather boring life? What is it? What makes you think you have the right to make up stories and twist my love to make it seem dirty? Who are you? They say idle hands are the devil's workshop, what are idle mouths? Idle mouths spue out demons with their lies. What are they???