Misanthropism

Let me close my eyes and imagine myself riding the folds of the ocean! Let me feel the tender breeze push me against it’s rhythmic pulse and kiss me with the uttermost passion! Let me feel the sun’s rays lull me to a point of peace! Let the oceans roar welcome me and let me forget that life can be the cruellest form of pain.

Let me forget that the overwhelming agony that flows through me is forlornness. Let me feel the wind, rough, now gentle, now rough against my desperate form. Let me get to the climactic point of forgetfulness and like a soothed kitten, let me fall in the arms of positive remembrance…..

Let me remember,

The butterfly kisses along my neck, the soft kisses upon my lips and the desperate need for another whiff of your humanity.

(But then again, our hearts were bulldozed apart and never can the pieces be recovered! Never can that particular moment be rekindled.)

I remember a time of family togetherness; where treasure hunts, family outings, jokes and all these were a normal occurrence. I remember being the crazy one who always found humour in everything. I remember the cousin I grew up with and thought of him as one of my greatest friends, I remember persons I admired in my family, others I could just hang out with and chill out and another one of them I could sit and talk comfortably about life’s sense of humour…… what beautiful memories these are!!!

(But now we have everybody with their own life and with their own families and the person you used to admire is miles and miles away, the closest friend is even further away, the cousin you used to do crazy things with is gone, the ones you used to cook with and play around the house with are out somewhere and the others who remain are too busy with their own lives to notice that you are still around. Families dwindle I suppose, it is a way of moving forward! Friendships become sore! People we love become sick and they die! )

Remembrance does not seem to be pulling me from the grip of sadness but rather it seems to be pushing me further into the death-like hold.

I feel a weakness in my soul and a deep desire to close my eyes! If I close my eyes, I will be permanently placed into the bosom of sleep and I would no longer be part of life’s twisted sense of humour.

We meet new people and we fall in love, but then what’s the point if they are going to move forward and leave you behind? It seems that way to me though, that whilst everybody is mobile, I am the stationary island in the midst of the ocean- waiting for the tiny thrills from the winds attempt at love making..

I am an island!!

Ah well, until we meet again!! Sayonara!! Arriverderci!! Adios!!