Flourishing Envy

I sit here, reminiscing about the stolen kisses, the holding hands and the laughing until our sides hurt. These times were exceptional! These days, I was almost certain you were mine! Days we used to spend together, "dates" we used to go on! Remember the restaurant by the beach? No, you would not! You do not dwell in the past!! But those were the days I could have almost admitted that you were mine.

But right now, sitting on the throne of cold reality, I can say that you were never mine! And though you were never really mine, I realized something about myself that made me stop and think...

Though your transition was an easy one, I saw you today, and my heart became a complexion it never had been when I was almost certain you were mine!

Yes, we agreed to change the dynamics of the relationship, and I am so glad that you are happy! But in the process I have totally lost my grasp on "it" - the thing we had that nobody else around had!!

I never expected to lose you and you may not even believe that you are lost to me! But my green heart growing from deep inside the pain I feel, portrays the fact that indeed, I have lost you... (If I have not lost you, I am so intensely threatened by everyone, that I will lose you!)

Yes, we do still laugh but you have pulled away almost everything that makes us, us (So what do I have to hold on to? A small dose of your conditional love?) [Ah those fights that used to make you seem so sexy] and this jealousy that has grown out of my humanity, is not who I am! So, from this moment, I give you up with the hope that at some point, you will notice that I am what you need! But then, if you never return, at least one day, my green heart will wither away and die!

Ah well, have a marvelous evening! Buenas noches! Gute nacht! Bon soir!