What does it mean to be a woman??

So I am sitting here wondering what exactly it means to be a natural woman. Aretha and co. sing and suggest that "you make me feel like a natural woman" but what does that really mean?? Does this mean that a female has to go through certain intitiations before she can be considered a woman? Does she have to marry and bare children? Only then, would you consider her a natural woman? Should she be able to cook, clean and be a perfect housewife? Is it a feeling that another individual imparts? Does she have to have sex first? What intitiations make a woman feel like a natural one? And would that mean that the childless lady is not the epitome of "natural womanliness"? Does that mean that the 30 something young lady who decides not to have sex until she is married, is she not a natural woman? Must a lady fall in love and be broken?? Should a lady follow certain laws of society for her to become a woman? The lady who decides to study, get a degree and get a beneficial career, is she not a natural woman?? What exactly does this term mean?

I heard an aged lady tell a 35 year old that unless she has lived as a woman, she would not be able to understand certain things. Huh?? That's like Ronald Reagan's "What would this country be, without this wonderful land of ours?" huh??? What age does a female graduate into this "natural womanliness"? So does that mean that some females, are not yet women? Natural women? Then perhaps i will never graduate into natural womanliness since I don't see marriage as a possibilty or bearing children as another. If these are the criteria for graduation, I will continuously fail.

But, if it is as Aretha sings and it is a feeling, when will I know that I am a natural woman?? Do i wake up and feel different??? How will I know?? Most of the women singing appear to have past the period of menstruation and I read somewhere that a girl becomes a woman after menstruation or is it after menopause??? :-) I hope someone will be generous enough to inform me, that indeed, now Malica, you are a natural woman!!! Ah well, sing on, the song is truly lovely and it may mean something different to us all. I remember Murphy Brown singing that song when she had just given birth, so perhaps its that for mothers! I heard another sing it after marriage, perhaps it is that for wives! I heard a young lady singing it, after she'd fallen in love. So perhaps its that for young lovers. I wonder, when will I sing it? Not on my wedding day!! What man is worth it? :-) Not on the day i give birth!!! What child is worth the pain??? :-) Seriously!!!!

All right now guys, I will bid you Adieu! Sayonara! Arriverderci!! Adios! Addio!!

Today's Health for tomorrow's children!

Exercising is important! Everybody knows this but it is the doing that's difficult; the getting up on a morning and going to take a run or a walk. We can find ourselves doing everything other than exercise and I do understand that but we all need to develop a strong state of mind and put exercising as part of our routine. With so much technology, we have become a very lazy society and because of that, our youth are slowly dying of obesity, heart disease, stroke and so on. We put so much filth within us and then sit around and relax! That is not a healthy attitude and we should learn to develop a healthy demeanour for our sakes and for the children who are coming into this world. These children can not move from the couch to the tele, they do not have to play sports anymore when they can sit and play video games for the entire day and "pig out" on junk food. A dictionary defines "Junk" as discarded material. Thus, it is clear to me that you are placing things that deserve to be in a trash can in your beautiful temple of God.

I understand, that it is difficult sometimes to put exercise into our schedules but it is not difficult to stop eating junk or rather, trash food. Some of the diet foods we consider as healthy, they are really not. All those sugarless or sugarfree foods and so on. I want you to do me a favour and google aspartame. After you've read the disadvantages of it, see how many of you have been consuming this filth. Better yet, check out this site http://www.aspartame.com/ Then check out those sodas that you consume daily. Why would we want to deliberately destroy ourselves by consuming unhealthy products?

I am not going to tell you the kinds of exercises to do or what type of diet is best for you. But I need to advise you that eating right and exercise is pivotal for every human being, no matter what race, sex or level of intelligence. Don't mind me, i do falter in the exercise department sometimes but it is necessary and at some points it may even become addictive. Exercise and eat right so we can live longer. The reason, we're dying so young, is because we are eating all sorts of trash. Note, the first people on this earth were vegetarians and note as well, that persons were dying so very old in Bible times. Look at Methuselah, Abraham, Jacob, Sara and so on. I think that our horrible diet is causing cancer, impotence and all of these negative health defects. How about taking just eight minutes? Or twelve to just do a few exercises? And what is the problem with eating a lot more vegatables and fruit?? What? It's going to kill you?? I highly doubt it. Your present diet is what's presently killing you. Stop consuming junk and take care of yourselves. The bible states that we should love our neighbours as ourselves. So in love, i say to you, take care of the temple that God entrusted you with.

Have a swell evening everybody and if I still have the breath of life within me, we shall speak some other time!!!! Buenas Noches y buena suerte en tus las vidas!! Adios! Addio! Adieu! Arriverderci! Bye!!!!!

I love you right?????

How wonderful and ridiculously easy it would be if we were given manuals to live our lives. Humanity would be rather predictable but more functional and isnt that what we all want? Functionality within each society? But the business of free will just screwed us over :-) If I had a manual to live my life, i am certain the errors I have made and will soon be making would not exist. And even if i did make errors, they would be rather minimal because i have this thing that basically instructs me as to what i should do, say and feel. But seeing that none of us actually possess this manual, we have to go through a whole lot of BS that "enables us to grow as human beings" :-)

I would do so much better with this manual, because at this point, i am simply groping in the dark and going round and round in circles. The reason for my lack of enthusiasm about free will is the fact that we are "free" to do so much but not really! Or is that just me? A friend of mine has been telling me from the moment she got to know me that I think too much. I think about the pros and cons and weigh my options before i make a decision. Never, do i want to regret things and I suppose that is also holding me back from doing many things. It would simply be easier for me, if not for any other, that i own a manual instructing me on the decisions of my life.

I hate messing up, i hate disappointing myself more than anything and i hate hurting those i care about. My friend believes i think too much but i believe we do not think enough. If we take the time to think perhaps the manual that i am praying for will become obsolete. How easy it is, for some of us to sit on our high horse and judge others when we know our secrets and our errors are well hidden.

It makes me sad that we take such little time to think; to think about how we will impact others and how we react to certain situations. I often think about silly things but most of the time, I think seriously. My life is not more difficult than anybody else's but its like bitter gall sipping through me, knowing that if somebody else were me, they would be better at being me- they would make better decisions and they would lead a life free from deliberate pain. I read something that caused me to think further, "nobody can be you better than you" I thought about this statement and I saw the error in it because if someone else were me, their life would not be so purposely entangled and incomprehensible. So perhaps, this statement is telling me that nobody can do incomprehensible and entangled like me. But really, i'd prefer structure, functionality. I would prefer everything to be placed in certain schemas- I'd much rather be instructed.

Now i know it can be argued that the Bible is a manual that instructs our actions, thoughts and so on but the Bible tells us to love all, as we'd love ourselves. But then again, we have to love rightly!!! Did the Bible say, love your brethren a yourself rightly???? What is right love?? Just a question to think about :-)

I wish you all a very pleasant good night!! Buenas Noches! Gute Nacht! Bon soir! :-) Arriverderci! Ja ne!!

Bleeding in Love

Sitting upon the comfortable carpet of sandy rocks in Canelle, while sifting the coarse sand between my fingers, i decided to look into the very depth of who I am. While searching within myself, i felt the wind pound against me punishingly. With such a harsh response from the once sensual wind which used to bury me with sweet, salty kisses, I found tears streaming down my face. In my beautiful Saint Lucia, sitting amongst what appears to be jaggered rocks behind my blanket of tears, I came to the realisation that no matter how hard one tries as a human being, they may still falter continuously. A while back, i was called mean and even cruel. I thought that to be, highly unlikely with my loving and rather kind disposition. But sitting here, feeling the deadly blows of the wind and searching my spirit, I may have to admit that I do have a rather mean sense of humour. Not purposely hurting the ones i care about but repeatedly doing so with my wit and my sardonic nature.

I am now realising the severe error in my ways and because of this, I am sitting here being battered by a once gentle wind. I was told once that it is easy for a man to transform from man to beast and easily hurt the ones he claims to love with such passion.

Humanity in itself is rather complicated and I suppose all we can really do is try our best to be the best possible people but we can not do it alone. As i am sitted here, i am reminded of Peter, Jesus' disciple who beat his chest and stated that He would Never betray the Son of God when Jesus bluntly stated that he would. Though he may have meant it at the time, when Jesus was captured and beaten, before the cock crew twice, Peter denied Jesus thrice. This tiny reminder is to simply indicate the fact that it is impossible to do things on our own or rather, of our own strength. But the good news comes, when Peter realises his error and asks for forgivenness. In this regard, I apologize for being the mean cuss that I am. And in truth, it was all based on jest but even then, you do not appreciate it, So with my cheeks bathed with salty tears and with the wind tearing at my very core, i apologize only because i love you more than you can ever imagine. :-)

All right my dears, we shall chat at some other point but it is necessary that i bid you adieu! Chao!! Sayanora!!

Rocky Throne

Standing at the tip of this cliff taking in the beautiful Anse Ger sea, a person has many thoughts. One may consider how it would feel to fly off this stone throne and land in the majestic water. Another stands atop this cliff and decides to capture such landscape with a paint brush and yet another, may consider mincing up words to describe the beauty of the environs in perfect poetry. Another still, may consider kneeling right there and thanking God for such majesty, yet another may see this as being pregnant with possibilities. Ah such beauty can always present thoughts and feelings within each of us but since we are all different, we have different perceptions. We each hold dear within us, the meaning of such loveliness. Our perception usually is distorted or encouraged by what we are going through in our lives. In my depressive state, I could see this peaceful landscape as an escape, a place to find solace. In a pleasant state, I may sit upon that rocky throne and pour out poetry from the depths of who I am. Ah yes, each of us can do something different with such a portrait because of our difference of thought and experience. This lovely place is right here in my beautiful island, Saint Lucia.

I feel the need to talk about the beautiful things around because wth such busy schedules we never take the time to admire any aspect of nature or even take in the fresh air. I read somewhere that Satan tries to consume our minds with all sorts of filth so that we are always occupied with some worldly task. We need to learn to take a break once in a while and take in the beauty of God's creation, pray in the midst of it and listen to him speak. We allow too many things to consume us and to hurt us to a point of madness.

Sometimes I sit and i think of odd things like how it'd feel to be the wind, moving gently, now harshly, now gently with not a care in the world. How would it feel, if i were the ocean? Crashing against rocks and sparkling in the sunlight. Sometimes, I wish i were not human because with so much emotion comes pain in abundance. Sitting on that throne, I cannot think of dying because there would be absolutely no point in death. I suppose my time will come because we only live (work hard and have such busy lives) to die. If you know you're going to die anyway, why dont you stop!!!!! Stop and smell the ocean, listen to the purring wind and even so, love the person sitting next to you on that throne and stop fighting. Stop being so busy that you can not spend time with the ones you love.

I do not know how much time I have here but i want to be able to find a rock and make it my throne and sit upon it with my friends and family and take in a deep breath. Let us all have different perspectives on the one perfect view. I do what i do for the people i love and i will never regret anything because there is nothing bigger in this world than love. So you can look at the view and see the wretched sea lashing angrily against the rocks and thus you can liken the sea to human beings and call it selfish, rough and punishing. But I, i choose to see beauty in all and love all. Therefore i love you for your differences in perspective with me, I love you because without you i would not be me. I would not be strong, I would not be thoughtful, I would not be wise. I love my friends and I love my family (ALL) and whatever i can do for you at any point, tell me and i will do it because all we have in this world is each other (love)So find your rock! Find your throne and pour your love upon ii!!!

All rightie then people i need to go now!! Arriverderci! Adios! Adieu! Until we meet again!!

Sorpresa!!!!!!

Hi there :-) I know it has been awhile but that is the only way you are going to miss me, right??? lol..... School is closed but i have been doing some reading since I have the time now and we all know that reading is pertinent. Someone once said that whatever we read is always just ours because everybody will read the same thing and adopt a different lesson and a different way of thinking. Although reading is important, we need to censor what we read becasue the amount of junk that can be passed on as literature is not even funny. Yes so, my whole purpose of saying that is to encourage you, once in a while to do some reading. Not just any kind of reading but reading that will elevate your thinking and uplift you as a person.

All rightie then, let us see what has been up with me??? Hmmmmmmm?? Well clearly you can see i cut off my dreads so I am a "bald-head" again......lol....I do not really think I have much of anything to say. I just did not want you guys to remain in a state of deprivation for too long. By the way, I have had insomnia for three or four weeks now....Does anybody know how to get rid of this because I am bloody exhausted and school reopens in two weeks or so......I do not necessarily want to walk around in zombie mode :-) During my sleepless state, i actually write poetry.....lol....At three at two, one or whatever, I write.....lol.... I will allow you to read two about actual insomnia (ha ha)

Insomnia

I sit among wretched thoughts
Each, nagging at my sleep
Each, keeping my brain awake.
Thoughts are like little children
When one most desires to be left alone; they pop up
Forcing you to feed them.
It is awesome to sit here and think about the deeds done through the day
I’d rather sleep, but what the hell!
It’s incredible to think of my life and my future
I’d rather sleep but I will give it a try!!
To think about my friends and family, I feel compassion!!!
Oh sleep, how I long for you!!!
What if the alphabet were not in that order?
What if the world were flat?
Why do we live, only to die?
Why did I paint my room that colour??
What if I were born a different race?
Oh!
If only the comforting arms of sleep would surround me!!
But I go on entertaining thoughts
As they are children needing their mother’s touch.
Ah!And then, it is day!

AND

Cognizance

I wake up from a deep state of consciousness
I am relieved to see sunlight burst into the skies and spread its rays all around
But I am saddened to see night slowly disappear
Since I did not profit from the silent slumber
That night rewards us with.

I walk around,
Knowing that I should begin my day.
But my eye lids are sagging
And my movements seem depressed.
As an invalid, I find difficulty in the simplest acts-
A smile, a wave, even laughter.

My head is throbbing
As blood tries to keep me even more conscious
Through this day.

All I’d like to do is to rest my weariness but I am not able
As it is the time to work.
But when night falls,
My thoughts will consume me
And I will need to entertain them
As a mother would a child.

When will my rest come then?
Perhaps when I am dead,
I will attain sweet slumber.
Only then.

So until then,
I am to be painfully awake
Until death releases me from my conscious duty.

Yes yes, so this is what i have writ based on my sleeplessness :-) I have to go but i will catch you guys later. Arriverderci! Ciao! Adios! Chao! Adieu! Au revoir! Bye!!!!!

A Grave Heart

Hi Guys, I apologize for my lengthy absence!!! I have been tired with working and trying too hard to help people who really do not deserve it. Life is so funny sometimes (not funny Ha Ha) You try your best to be kind and loving to others and it comes back and bites you right in the fanny. How many of you are certain that the person you tell all your secrets, keep them only to him or herself? How can you be certain that someone you love, loves you back? How can you be certain?? The truth is, you cannot be certain. You just can't! There are so many people in this world who are just waiting for a chance for you to fail, to fall, to make a mistake so they can laugh the hardest and the loudest for no reason, except to make you feel bad.

I really do not understand human beings. Some of them are so constipated with negativity, that when something nice comes their way, the try to twist it around and make it into something awful. Others just feel the need to talk about you for no specific reason, except maybe, they were bored. People are so cruel sometimes with the things they do and say.

I try to be a nice person but it is bloody difficult when everybody thinks your niceness is due to something utterly twisted. It is so easy for me to become evil and just downright cruel but with my pea sized brain and my gullible demeanour, I think, 'Maybe my smile will help them today, maybe they'll change'

Today, with it being rather difficult to recognize friend from foe, I would think it so much easier if i were to exit this cruel world. In this life, i find it difficult to love because the people you love, maybe tempted to keep things from you, in the spirit of protection and lie to you, in the spirit of love.

Oh how i wish I were a kid again; running naked in the rain, not having a care in the world. O how I wish I were a kid again! (sigh) I remember telling this friend of mine that she was too easily frazzled by things people say and do, but really, it does hurt! When you find out, people can't stand the sight of you because of the way you walk, the way you dress and the way you respond to your friends and the people you love.

What an easy thing it would be, simply to minus self from this life. If it were possible, I would become and onlooker and not a participator of this life. After all, the only part of this life that really sticks with me is the hurt. To find out that you are stuck in the same place, with those same people who live life as if it were a game of monopoly. Their smiles burn me, their hugs cut me, their tongues stab me because they know in their hearts they hate me but they're going to speak to me nicely and whisper behind my back.

Please tell me you hate me, it won't hurt as much as your hypocrisy. Please tell me, you hate me. Don't lie through your teeth and waste I love yous. Please tell me you hate me. I'd feel better if I had only one friend because all the other people on earth were honest enough to tell me the truth of how they feel instead of having many friends who really don't care if i live or die. They are simply waiting for the opportunity for me to fail so they can laugh and gossip behind my back.

I am human, I do not talk about you so I do not think it is human nature for you to whisper about me. I dont whisper about you, why do you whisper about me? Is it that you have nothing of substance in your life? Is it that you lead a rather boring life? What is it? What makes you think you have the right to make up stories and twist my love to make it seem dirty? Who are you? They say idle hands are the devil's workshop, what are idle mouths? Idle mouths spue out demons with their lies. What are they???

Yep!!! Im Back!!!!

Yes, so after a month or so, I have decided to grace you with my presence. You should note though, I never completely vanish. I vacation for a season and then i return. Yes well, so i can not tell you much of what's been happening with me because I can not remember half of it. I am so not kidding!!! But i do know, that the months passed, have been very interesting and I know that i feel something heavy within me. So I am guessing along the way, i received a broken heart. Oh well, who cares?? Right?? I mean, if there is no pain within, how do you know you're truly alive? When one is happy, they feel a sense of euphoria and everything is so "great, fabulous, wonderful, awesome.....' all these optimistic words. I am not knocking happiness down but in order to realize that yes indeed, you were happy, you need to feel the pain of loss, heartache, disappointment and all of these words that make your smile flip downwards and create creases on the heart of your forehead.

I have come to realize that life is hard and sometimes or rather, most times i feel life is not worth living. Even in the so-called happiest moments in life, I'd rather be somewhere far away from the joy. Maybe my brain is simply so constipated that I feel I do not have the right to be happy and I do not deserve good things. How do the psychiatrists call this? My unhappiness is almost always created by me and my desire to do the right thing or other times, my desire to prove that I am unworthy. Unworthy of what? I do not know!

I have an innate desire to make people happy and to make them feel worthy. Perhaps it is because I am attempting to find happiness through theirs. Though I know, that one needs to make the decision to become happy. But to me, making the decision is tasking. Whereas i could simply be overwhelmingly generous, loyal and a good listener. I love to see happiness in people's eyes. I like to read their eyes and simply see joy. This makes me happy, not a decision I made to be happy but simply seeing others as happy.

I always look deep into my soul to try to come up with what I really want in life, and yes, it may sound cliche, but if everybody around me is happy for one reason or another, I am happy as well. I know, I know..... I may say these things now and seconds later, I may tell you that what makes me happy is listening to silence, listening to nature and minussing all the pollution of his voice, her voice, this radio, her television, his computer et cetera.

So this is what I have come to realize and Psychiatrists you can always disagree....I love to make people happy, I love to make persons feel better.....I, all in all, love people but I am a moody person and sometimes I feel that being happy takes too much work and it is okay to alienate myself for awhile; to listen to the silence and to listen to myself think.

Each day, I require a dose of sadness and a dose of happiness. No matter how large the dose of sadness is, one of my greatest talents is to feign happiness so much so, that I begin to believe that indeed I am happy. I wake up in the morning, and I guess I do, I do make the decision to fake happiness rather than make the decision to be happy. I said earlier, the decision to BE happy takes too much work.

Other times, I wake up and think "why even try to fake it?" There are times when Im happy being unhappy. But there are these rare occasions where I am just happy. I did not make the decision but I simply feel blessed. This is the happiness i enjoy but most times, it is too much for me. All in all, I am not a negative person, but life would be so much easier if we all crawled into our shells and no one impacted anyone. But they say, we're humans and it is a prerequisite that we interact with each other......Functionalist, Marxists, Interactionalists, Phenomenologists....They all agree, some level of interaction is pivotal...... (sigh)

I think this was my most boring blog but it is all about my mood and right now, i feel that I need to be understood. :-) Arriverderci! Adieu! Adios! Adyu! Goodbye!!!!

Missed me?!

Yes indeed! It has been a long time and I deeply apologize for that.....Well, it is a new year, 2008....But before i begin with all the new year cliches amd so on, I just wanted you to know that the year ended really well for me.....I spent it with my family and saw some family members i had not seen in ages....It was pretty awesome actually.....I got lovely presents for christmas and i hope i gave some lovely presents as well......

Well, back to the present......I really don't make new years a big thing; in that, i do not make resolutions and i live one day at a time as it was ordained......lol.....Although, i did not make any resolutions, what i hope is that I am healthy, happy and that I do my best at my job so at the end of the day, i am not disappointed in myself......

One of the most awful things for me as a person, is to be disappointed in myself........No one can bring me down as much as me and what i really hope is that i never disappoint me and that, i be a best friend to everyone who needs one at any point in time.........I love people.....well, most people and i refuse to be unhappy although some days it creeps in......I need to make others around me happy and i need to love as much as possible because this is what makes me, me..........

Before i go any further with my sappy chorus about what makes me, me and what makes me happy, I would like to introduce you to a really good friend and colleague of mine.......Her name is Heidi Ann, and to tell you the truth, I have never met someone so innately good.......She is funny, kind, wise, intelligent and selfless..........Her smile always brightens my heart and there is absolutely nothing about her, I'd like changed..........

I think, if I am half the person Heidi is, I have achieved much in my life......I will never meet another person like her because I am certain, she is one in ten billion........I would offer her my organs if I had to or even my life because such a person deserves to pour a little bit of compassion on whoever she meets and thus needs to live a long life......

There is goodness in us all and an equal dose of evil but some persons negate that goodness altogether.......I think Heidi has allowed goodness to consume her so much so that a transposition occurred where no evil is able to reide........Thank you for being my friend girl.......:-)

Now, i will say Adieu and hope that we speak soon.......

Christmas Again

Hey there,

I know I know, i have been missing in action and i truly apologize for that.... Ah well, I am just sitting here thinking of how wonderful christmas is... (the picture above shows Jenin and a super cool cuz, Lydia at christmas last year) I do not actually believe that the 25th December was Jesus' birthday and we do not actually celebrate that date as his birth. However, i do believe that Christmas is my favourite time of year. This is the period where all my family members (all 100, 000 of them....lol) come together - forgetting all squabbles and disagreements.... All christmases are spent with my family..... We decorate our huge christmas trees and place gifts under them....Myia gets all excited and shakes every present with her name on it..... Then on christmas day, we wake up early to open gifts, to make great, big breakfasts and to cook the christmas lunch/dinner....And absoluteltly not forgetting the fruit cakes that Myia and I stuff our faces with....

I absolutely love the family aspect of christmas... The fact that basically everyone is around and perhaps I feel more loved then, than any other day....

I am excited about this christmas because my family members are going to be coming down and i really really really really reallly reallllly do love the "togethernessness" of christmas......lol

Until next time
Adieu

Caitlin Alayna Kisna

Hi there, I have been away for a long time being busy and all of that.....So first of all I would like to convey my sympathy to St Lucia because we have lost a great man, Sir John George Melvin Compton....Whether or not i agreed with him returning to politics, he was a great man who was very much concerned with education as a way for us to go forward....He won the general elections because St Lucians knew him well and they had faith in the fact that He would work for the people and with the people...Sir John was well loved by the people....Though young, I know that Sir John has done a great deal for St Lucia and thus, I would like to convey my sincere thanks.....I know God will continue to bless his family and St Lucia as a whole.....

Due to the death of the father of the Nation, Sir John G. M. Compton, our new Prime Minister is Dr Stephenson King....As a result of him being Prime Minister there was a slight reshuffle in the cabinet but basically everything remasined the same... I hope that our new PM will continue Our Father's legacy.....

I will come back to politics another time but at this moment, I would like to introduce you to a new addition to our family, Princess Caitlin A. Kisna.....Jenin's and Matthew's daughter.....This child was born on the 20th September 2007 at 6 am at 8 lbs 15 ozs....When I found out she was born, that was honestly, the most joyous day of my life.....I could think of no one but her and i was prompted to call everybody i knew to inform them that this angel was finally born....From the moment I saw her, I can tell you that I have never ever loved any body more than I love her.....I felt an immediate bond......A bond that makes me want to protect her and love her forever.....

I have always liked children but this feeling was totally new to me....Her crying does not disturb or annoy me......everything she does, seems absolutely adorable....I simply want to thank God that this little angel came out beautiful and healthy.....I think she has her Mom's mouth.....LOL...I am severely proud of her mummy for carrying her for nine months and two weeks after her due date.....

Caitlin, I'd just like to tell you that you are incredibly beautiful and no matter what life hands you, you will Always be loved by us all.....Your Mummy and Daddy are the happiest and the cutest parents I have ever seen....Congratulations you guys..... I love you....

Merlie

Im longing for Heaven

Hi there... yes i do recognize that I am almost a stranger.... but i am here now and that's all that matters.... I desperately need to converse with you on the state of our government, but according to Rick Wayne, I will leave that for another show.

It's friday evening and i am truly thankful for the fact that the Lord has brought me through another week. We may not realize this but everyday we are alive, it is because of God and he's wonderful, miraculous powers...

I am far from perfect! In fact, there are times when I do absolutely everything wrong and there are times when i say and think wrong things. I admit it, I am a christian but a far from perfect one. As a christian, i believe that the Saviour Jesus Christ died to redeem us from our sins. As a christian I believe that in order to maintain a close relationship with God, we have to spend time in He's word. Through fervent study of the bible, i believe we attain a connection with our heavenly father. As a christian I believe that there is a need for faith in the relationship with God.

As a christian, i believe that we should always try to preach the gospel in everything we do because according to Paul, faith without works is dead and in Hebrew, a book of the bible, he stated that Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. As a christian i believe that with God, all things are possible.

Now i will admit that as a christian, it is not easy. In fact many times you will falter like i have in many of the choices that i have made but no matter what, i believe that God works. In 1 chronicles 4:10, Jabez simply asked for what he desired and God gave him that which he had requested. Jabez began he's prayer like this "God that you may bless me indeed...." that is what faith is all about my friends and in this case, Jabez had enough faith to ask for what he wanted and expect that God would provide. That is the true kind of faith that all christians should have. I am in desperate need of that kind of unwavering FAITH.

God is never late and if we simply believe in Him and His word, I believe that we would achieve our utmost desires. We simply have to ask and believe without any doubt in our minds that we will truly recieve what we have asked for.

Friends, I am truly longing for heaven. It is truly ridiculous to allow small things in this world to prevent us from going to Heaven. The ten commandments and the entire bible has given us the law as to how we should live. The father sent his only begotten son to die on the cross, i believe that it within us to try our best to follow Christ after all that He has done for us. Friends, i am truly longing for my Heavenly home. This place that has promised to be wonderful because there will be no more pain or sorrow, poverty, hatred, murders and so on. I think whether you are Atheist, Hindu or whatever, there is still this element of hope within, that after death, there is something.

Well friends, that something is Jesus. After death, Jesus Christ has promised us a second coming and He has suggested in He's word that the dead in Christ shall rise first and they will be caught up to meet Him in the air. Friends, I cannot wait for that day. I am truly longing for heaven. I beg of you, do not allow alcohol, gambling, sex, lies, stealing, lusting, covetousness, envy and all of these things to keep you from walking side by side with the Son of God, Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Friends, I pray that your life will be blessed by the holy touch of God. Until we meet again, goodbye!

Hmmmmmm? Ok then!!!

Hi there guys, Im back with some news! It could be good or bad but it depends on which side of the fence that you are on. Well, our eighty something Prime Minister has chosen his cabinet and they had the swearing in of the Ministers at the official residence of the Prime Minister.

So, we have as our Minister of Youth and sports, Hon. Lenard Montoute! He should be very effective in that position, as he seems to be very nsync with the youth of the country and the division of sports....what else is there to say?....he is Hon. Lenard Spider Montoute!....hmmmmmm!!!

I am hastily jumping into the position of Minister of Education, as he is one of our own, Hon. Arsene James...born and bred in the Micoud South district! His position should be seen as fitting, as he was in the education business for a number of years, he is a retired principal of the Micoud Secondary school and as he stated today, he keeps abreast with the daily issues of education via the internet and other such methods....so who is better for the job???....Our eighty something prime minister must have been in "sound" mind when he came up with such a decision because it is sooo fitting! What else is there to say, except maybe, HON. ARSENE JAMES is our new Minister of Education. Hmmmmm??....Ok then!!!

Now, here is another fitting decision our eighty something prime minister made, Hon. Alan Chastanet, is the Minister of Tourism and Civil Aviation!!! Should i say anymore??? I mean, you do know who Hon. Alan Chastanet is?? Of course you do, he is the minister of TOURISM....have you ever heard of this particular man, who is the president of the St Lucia Hotel and Tourism Association and former Marketing VP at Air Jamaica?...Well do you realize why this position is so well placed?....Hon. Alan Chastanet is the Minister of tourism because to our eighty something Prime Minister he will do the best job possible! He will be working within a web, he knows exceptionally well....Hmmmmmm??...Ok then!!!

Our Prime Minister, developed this particular ministry for the underpriviledged folk who are not able to attain proper housing and the fact that over a ten year period, we have an unusual number of slum living.....This particular Ministry was given to Honourable Richard Fredrick!! ....You know who Hon. Richard Fredrick is and our reliable and critical thinking Prime Minister has suggested that, Hon Fredrick is the most appropriate person for the job....Truly, who am I to disagree?...Our PM suggested that he is suitable because of his experience as a police officer...he knows the people and what affects them and the reasons they stoop to such poverty stricken living. Hon. Richard Fredrick????....Last night, an individual called on Claudius Francis' show and suggested that since Hon. Richard Fredrick makes soo many references to God, maybe he should follow this one commandment that suggests, "thou shalt not steal"....I do not know where she got that from!! I mean, is the man a thief?...Did you hear of any convictions?....Our PM says he is the best man for the job!!!....Hmmmmmmm?....Ok then!!!

We have Hon. Dr Keith Mondesir, as the Minister for Home affairs and National Security. Of course we do know who Dr Keith Mondesir is because many of us must have been treated by him a hundred times! Yes, indeed he is a good medical doctor, nobody could dispute that. Hon. Keith Mondesir knows what to do to make a sore throat go away, he knows what to do to stop a belly ache! We cannot dispute, the Minister is a Good doctor. Our PM has seen it fit to make him the minister for National security and I can completely understand why he did that. I mean with the man's Medical background.....well, it was the obvious choice!!! After being sworn in, Hon. Dr Mondesir said that he would do his best in the position that was given to him and he was not shy to say that he would appreciate the help of the people in order to fight the increase in crime. However, Im certain there was some noise about the good doctor being charged with assault more than once...Hmmmm??.....Hon. John George Melvin Compton was right, as he has made the best possible choice for that position and only a man of sound mind could be so well "aware".....Hmmmmm?.....Ok then!!!

Hon. Ezechiel Joseph and Hon. Marcus Nicholas(JR) as Minsters for Agriculture, forestry, fisheries...Hon. Gaspard Charlemagne as Jr Minister of Education, Hon. Rufus Bousquet as the Minister of External affairs, broadcasting etc.....Hon Guy Joseph, as the Minister for communication, works, transport and public utilities....lol....Im sorry, i couldnt help myself....Hon. Guy Mayers and Hon. Edmund Estephane(jr), as the ministers for trade, industry and commerce, Hon. Ausbert Duvergne in Economic Affairs, Hon. Stephenson King in Health and Ummmmm....Hon. Charlotte Elizabeth Teresa Tessa Mangal in the affairs of family, social transformation, human(Jr).....

Well ladies and Gentlemen, these are the members of our cabinet....Our PM made the best decision for our country and for the people, so that, as he states, "we can begin the healing process"...that sounds like the SLP were a bunch of blood suckers who wounded us very deeply and critically....o well, thats just me....

I would appreciate your views on our well able cabinet and your thoughts on our PM's choice.....As i have told you, I am in a critical state of shock so I can only tell you what I have heard....

Anyway guys, at this point: Adios!! I will catch ya'll later!!

Change the train of thought

Well, hello again guys! I just came from Dennery, at the school and every body i meet is still very much amazed at the elections! It is actually the hottest thing going on! People are arguing and making allegations about both parties, threatening each other and every thing else....Wow!!! Im truly amazed and still stunned!!

Well, i think i should try to change the topic that is consuming our thoughts at this point! Let's see!! Where exactly can I go! Im not trying to trivialize the fact that all of our lives may or may not be in jeopardy....lol....Im just trying to transfer our attention, so that we may not die of a heart attack because of sheer joy or complete rage....lol...In my case, it could simply be "death by the ultimate shock" after all, who could truly fathom that the UWP is the new government of St Lucia? I mean really? Not even the UWP themselves! They must certainly still be in shock! The evening of elections, my Mom and my other significant family members did everything but cry! We are still consumed by the shock ! I think Jenin still goes around listening to the news for the tiny hope that the outcome of the elections was a humongous error because, I mean, the SLP, lost!!!!

So, in an attempt to change the subject, I have decided to ask a very serious question. Are we really ready for the second coming of Christ? To tell you the truth, I dont think that I am! I am not sure when I will be ready but it is always a good idea to try our best to remain close to Christ, no matter what we may be battling in our lives. I can tell you that it is not very easy to stay grounded in Christ, especially with the many temptations that look so very desirous to us. However, with indepth and fervent study of the bible, we can attain a a relationship with God. In order for that relationship to be sustained, we need to continue with our morning and evening devotion.

A strong relationship with God will result in strengthening of faith. If our faith grows, then ultimately we will want to go around witnessing and telling others about the love of Jesus. As the bible has commanded, we should go forth and preach the gospel to all the world!

Last Sabbath, at the Ti rocher SDA, pastor Stephen was preaching on Saul, and the drastic change that occurred within him when he got to know Jesus; thus becoming Paul! Paul preached the gospel of Jesus Christ. This was his life's mission and in second Timothy, Paul suggested, " I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith,. Henceforth....." (read your bible)
I dont think we can go about saying that we have fought a good fight or that we have kept the faith, but we could at least try to be like Paul who was imprisoned and yet worshipped, thanked and praised God with his entire being....Let us make this vow to simply have at least some of the faith that Paul possessed!

Anyway guys, it is always nice to talk to you and to hear your views as well! QAt this point, Arriverderci! Until we meet again!

Not Dead Yet

Hi there guys! Really, I am not dead, Yet!! I have simply been a bit busy! I have been going to Clendon Mason and watching tv....you know the usual....lol....
Well, actually Im kidding! But lets see, i have just been working and socialising and so on. School was just closed last week! I suppose i have been a bit busy and I am so sorry for that!

Well, lets see, what's first on the agenda? Elections?! Of course!! We had that on the 11th of December and I am not sure whether you were shocked but I am not going to lie to you, I am still in shock! I expected the United Workers Party to win some seats, but guys eleven!! Eleven!!! I never expected that! That seriously was a shock! Places like Babonneau, Gros Ilet and so many other places that I thought the St Lucia Labour party was going to win.....O well....

So, we have got a new government, ladies and gentlemen! We have an eighty something man as our Prime Minister! We have to simply wait and see! Hon John Compton says that age is just a number and i agree with him a hundred percent! But i think there is a point when we have to stop suggesting that age is just a number! Though age is just a number, time takes a toll on memory, speech and the ability to think clearly and critiically! But anyway, who am I to suggest anything here! I am barely into adulthood.... :-)

The St Lucia Labour Party won six seats (the opposition now) and the UWP won eleven! So now, we are just waiting! The majority voted the UWP, so they must have something to offer, right? St Lucians are not dim witted! They know what is right and what is necessary for the good of the country! I dont think they were brainwashed or anything of that sort! They made the best possible decision for themselves and their country! So, let's wait and see!! Good luck to our new government!!!

Anyway, I am moving right along! Clendon Mason got new staff for the month of september! Really eager, young, intelligent persons! Not bad! Met this teacher, she is sort of a new teacher, but not really because she was there before! Her name is Ms Monrose! She is actually Wendy's cousin! I adore her, i love Clendon Mason just because.......She is a really lovely individual; very funny, kind and a whole lot of wonderful things.....I hope to introduce her to you at some point in time!!

So seriously guys, I have missed you so very much! Thank you for always reading and always commenting!!

Talk to you Later! For now, Adieu!!!!

Dreams

Hey there guys, its me again! From the moment I got to know myself, i have made these guys my heroes! Not only because they are black but because they were able to achieve so much inspite of their hindrances.
I have come to the conclusion that my life here, right now is too simple. But if I had lived around the time of Martin Luther King Jr and I had matched alongside him, just once, I would possess unimaginable greatness. This man did so much for black people, opened up avenues for us. Around his time, inspite of the oppression, it would have been great to live. It would have been great to fight for freedom and to yearn for equality. I find this life, now, rather boring. Im not saying that black people should still be kissing the feet of whites, just to get into a grocery store. Im saying that black people should become so unified that no one could touch us. Im saying that we should not forget how far we have come.

But what do I know, Im from St. Lucia and all I do is dream, pretty much...lol... No but seriously, i really do dream! I dream about Derek Walcott, a great writer and philosopher. If it were not for Martin Luther King Jr., he would not be so great. But that's not the point! The point is, that He is Great and i would give pretty much anything to be as great a writer and philosopher as he is, and will forever be. Derek Walcott, had this theory of Appropriation. I understand, that he believes that, we, are neither white nor black, neither Indian nor Caucasian, but we are Caribbean. We were born with different ingredients; not being a specific thing, if not for Caribbean. I also understand from his work that we should allow ourselves to accept our past experiences and move on from them. Most people allow things that happened to them in the past, to hinder them, for example a black man's excuse for not putting dreams forward or not trying to fulfill dreams is this, "we were born slaves, we can do no better" or their excuse for cheating is this "in the time of slavery, black men were allowed more than one mate and as a result, it is impossible for a black man to stay faithful"
Excuses! Excuses! Excuses! This is why I love Derek Walcott, because he bluntly states, "appropriate, do not abrogate" In that we should not be afrocentric and suggest that because of our past we are who we are or rather wallow in self pity and past pains. We should learn to accept the fact that, in our pasts we were wronged and then, move on from it. In one of Walcott's poems, he talks about "finding progress outward". I believe it was Keats who said we should find new pheonix wings. We should always try our best to rise from the ashes because wallowing will only hinder our progress.

Martin Luther King Jr's dream was for blacks to find a place in this society and given all the opportunity to better themselves. Derek Walcott has shown us that despite where we come from, we can always be somebody. We should always dream and try our best to fulfill those dreams. I am in this respect, proud, not to be black or white or indian but to be Caribbean ( a mixture of several different ingredients: white, African, Indian etc) and proud of the work that Derek Walcott has done so well.

Another of my favourite people is Maya Angelou; I hope to become as good a writer, as Maya Angelou someday. She is one of the greatest African American writers. She writes so aptly and with a great purpose. I always gain some sort of reassurance from Angelou's writings. She is some how always speaking to me. Always suggesting that no matter how many obstacles are placed forward, I will overcome. I love her writings! At this point, one that comes to mind is, My grandmothers. I think that throughout Angelou's poems she epitomises strength and courage in blacks and in women. Another of her great works i can remember at this point, is Yet still, I rise. This writer/poet speaks to me. She tells me that, not only can I dream but I am able to fulfill my dreams, as black and as woman.

I have now introduced you to three of the people i believe are truly great and somehow they have touched me and taught me, that i should always look forward and make my dreams come true.

Anyway guys, i will give you a break now and i promise you that we will talk some other time!!! Arriverderci!!!!!

I am Changed

I am Changed

Music filled,
I say if you don’t like me,
Don’t look at me!
I have become a listener of rock,
Showing love with no restraint!
Yet,
Portraying disadvantages in loving.

I say,
If you don’t like what I do,
Turn away!
I say,
If you don’t like what I say,
Don’t listen.
Because despite your objections,
I will do.
And despite your disagreement,
I will say!

Humans cannot be pleased,
So why try?
Family members are as tight as the loosest screw,
Pretentious!
Feigning love!
Mournful!
Why try with anyone?

Live life angry!
You get depressed!
Live life happy,
Someone will still piss you off!!!
But life,
Still deserves to be lived!
I choose to happily rock through life!

Music possessed,
I am not the same.
I don’t smile the way I used to.
I dont care as much.
And love to me, is slowly dying.
But I love, nonetheless.
Because living life is loving.

I still love
And I still live!
Though differently now,
Not caring,
Whether I look good to so called family.
Or whether I look bad to so called friends.
I am very different!
If you don’t like what I do,
Do not look at me!
If you don’t like what I say,
Do not listen!!
But I will continue to say!
And I will continue to do!
Because I am not living for you!

My philosophy now,
Is to live a music filled life,
Rock filled to be more specific!
I will live,
Not caring,
Who sees!
Who agrees!
Or who disagrees!

I will not hear your complaints!
I will not hear your objections!
I will not see your filthy looks!
As I am well,
Rocking through life,
Not caring whether you like it or not!
We all need to live!
We all need to move on!
I choose to do so,
Rocking through life.
And not caring whether you disagree with my
Lifestyle,
My words,
My actions!!!
I am rocking!!!
Through music, I am living life!!!!


NB: HEY GUYS, THIS IS A POEM I WROTE A FEW MINUTES AGO AND I AM SURE YOU CAN TELL THE MOOD I AM IN! I WILL CERTAINLY TALK TO YOU AGAIN! BUT NOT RIGHT NOW! SO I BID YOU A VERY GOOD NIGHT!! ARRIVERCI!!!!

New Haircut

Hi there guys! Do you like my new haircut? Well actually, i told you that I cut my hair but i gave you a fairy tale version! First of all, I would like you to know that I am not married to a handsome prince and we did not have a son either! But i did cut my hair on a friday night and my mom did fix it because the first cut looked more awful than awful can possibly look!! Anyway, this picture was actually taken at Myia's Birthday lunch at Pointe Sable! We had an incredibly good time there!!

Then, after that, Jenin wanted to see an old friend of theirs, so we went over to Cedar Heights and what amazed me was the fact that a male and female horse were trying to get their freak on!! You should have been there to see exactly how they went about doing what came naturally to them!! I will not go on to explain what they did because it will surely be disgusting!! I can only say, that after that, the horses did not part as friends.....lol...

Don't have much to say so I will let you go now!! So right now, i say Adieu!!!!!!!

Im outta my Trance

Hi there guys! Was I missed? There's no doubt!!!So why am I asking?....lol...Well, I was busy doing a whole lot of stuff! So where do you want me to start? from the beginning or the end?....lol...Im just messing around! But before I start, I would like to introduce you to one of the most important members of the Samuel household ( the golden child)...Suki Samuel who is owned by Myia but loved by all of us and yes, she is as cute as she looks!

Well, let's see!! What's going on? Well actually, i told you about Rosa and her daughter right??? Well, it turns out that th e father was the one who killed Kayla Michelle! He confessed to the police that the child would not stop crying and as a result, he hit her really hard to shut her up. She hit her head against the wall and then fell backwards! The blow to the head caused her to pass out and he noticed that his daughter was out cold, so he began giving her CPR! I suppose, he performed the CPR wrongly because as we know that CPR is not supposed to be performed on a child in the manner that one would perform it on an adult! But the young man, being ignorant of that fact tried to perform CPR on his daughter and as a result crushed every single organ within Kayla Michelle's fragile body!! Yep, so Kayla's Dad is the one who ended her very short life!! This, indeed, is very sad!!!!

Well, moving on to brighter things, "Once upon a time, on a lovely friday evening, after removing her braids, a lovely young lady realised that she was fed up with her hair, so as an intelligent solution, she decided to cut off her own her. At first, her hair looked terrible but with much effort and a handy pair of scissors her Mom and Dad fixed the lovely young lady's hair. As a result of that hair cut, many handsome princes were attracted to the young lady! But being a respectable individual, she decided to pick one Prince and then marry him! In doing so, she had a beautiful son and the three of them lived happily ever after......".....lol....Well, guys I did cut off my hair, so i have a very special hair cut which I am going to show you some other time!!

Moving on, I removed my tonsils last week Wednesday!! Yeaaaah!!! Right!!! I spent three days in the hospital and it was the most awful experience!! In fact, i have been starving ever since that surgery and the only things i can swallow are ummmmmm, jello, cold apple juice and water!! Yippppeeeee!!!!!!Men, Im starving!!! Im not kidding!!! Anyway, my tongue was hurting, the corners of my mouth were too and it was difficult to swallow my own spit and the best part was, when i spoke, my throat bled!!! Well, that was the most fun Ive ever had!! I tried eating pumpkin soup!! Pumpkin soup, for crying out loud but i couldnt get it to go down my throat. And the bit that did go down my throat?.....Ouuuuuuuuuuuuch!!!!! Listen, whilst i was under anesthesia, my cousin, Brad, was in the operating room and he told me that i gave a whole lot of trouble....lol...knowing me, i dont expect anything less......lol...Well, actually, he said i was mumbling a bunch of nonsense and then i refused to stay down! I think i flew the IVY that was stuck in my arm across the room and i kept calling his name! He was joking me a whole lot afterwards, he said i had blood trickling down my mouth and i was calling out his name whilst the blood made bubbles in my mouth!!!.....lol....eeeeeweeee!!!!! Anyways, I dont feel much pain anymore because i think Im high on pain medication but i still sound semi retarded!! I know some people are thanking God that I cant talk but when I start talking properly, I will have a whole lot to say!!! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

I cant wait to go to school! I actually miss it! Well, not the students so much!! Well, maybe my homeroom but mostly the teachers....Well, i shouldnt say the teachers, I miss a specific group of persons and Im sure they know themselves if they think reeeeeaaaallllly hard.....lol....Kidding!!!!!

Its always, somewhat of a pleasure dudes!!!! Arriverderci!!!!!

Miracles.......Human faults

Hey there guys! Did you miss me? I hope not, because i did not miss you at all!!!Guys, i have sooo much to say but Im soooo exhausted!!!!I have been doing very insignificant things, like watching "Grey's Anatomy"....lol....Im not kidding!!!By the way i mispoke, Grey's Anatomy is not insignificant!!!!IT'S BETTER THAN ER!!!!!.....lol....Anyway guys, this picture portays the Anse ger waterfalll You could get there by passing behind my Mom's house......whoa!!!!!!......lol....
Seriously guys, my cousins daughter was killed a few days ago and no one actually knows who did it!!The post mortem shows that the child had several injuries in the head and most of her organs were crushed and as a result this caused internal bleeding !!! All this for a two year old???? Her name is Kayla Camille and she was a lovely child who was born to very young parents and as a result she paid for it!!! Her father and aunt are in police custody because there has been talk of those two doing sooo much to a harmless child!!! A two year old, for crying out loud!!!!! The mother has been arrested twice because of certain things that persons have said!!! But seriously guys, what could a two year have done to cause her unimaginable hurt!!! People are not supposed to be that cruel!!!! I cant imagine why someone would harm their own child!!!! Anyway, my cousin and her mother are home, cryin and feeling awful and the father and his siter are still in police custody!!! Actually, they were arrested at the airport because for some reason they were in a hurry to leave the country the day after the guy's daughter died!!! Anyway, i think the child's death was awful and Im not saying that it was the Dad who killed her but the person who hurt her, surely deserves to be imprisoned!!! She is after all a child!!!!!!! The Bible suggest that "the love of man wax cold" and yes indeed that is the truth!!!! Im am very troubled by how incapable or rather, how impossible it is for some humans to show compassion!!!!

Anyway, on a brighter note, I am able to tell you of how wonderful and miraculous God is!!!Sweney Philip, a member from my church suffered a heat stroke whilst in England and as a result he was comatose for a good while!!His church family and his family as a whole were very concerned about him, so we allowed prayer to be our guide!!!The church and a group of us young people, Claire (his aunt), Keralyn, Me, Brad, Cordia, Norsika, Shena, Ryan and every body else who knew him....a whole lot of us, prayed and fasted and prayed some more!!Then the news came that he opened his eyes but he couldnt recognize his family!!So we decided to pray some more and the call came that he was able to sit up and recognize his family!!!So we were compelled to pray some more and then another call came, he was able to walk around and he was able to eat!!!Praise the Lord!!!But he still could not talk properly, only in a whisper!!!So we called upon God, and then he made the call to his Aunt Claire, to say "Im fine".....I strongly believe that that was a miracle and no one could convince me otherwise!!!!

Anyway, i got to go but i would just like to remind you that it is always good to give glory and praise to the Lord and believe in Him with all your heart because he is a Healer and everything else you'd like him to be!!!!!!

Arriverderci!!!!!!